Penny Ann Allen: Birth Story

 The following story/words/experience is something so sacred to my heart.
It's hard for me to share one of my most vulnerable/spiritual experiences...
Penny's birth story is just that.  A story of spiritual growing.  A story of being completely vulnerable.
Although it's difficult for me to share something that holds a great portion of my heart with ya'll,
I also think that it's sometimes important to be real.  To share the nitty gritty.  Maybe someone, somewhere will read my words/story & be uplifted & hear what they needed. 
So, this is me being real.  This is me spilling my heart all over the floor.
This is the story of love at first sight.
This is the greatest story on earth.

When I went to see my doctor at 37 weeks, I was dilated to a 3 & 80% effaced.

When I went at 38 weeks, I was the same.

London came 5 days late, & so, I just assumed this little peanut would come late as well.

At 39 weeks, I was dilated to a 4 & still 80% effaced.

During my 39 week appointment, Dr. Kirkman stripped my membranes....

(after all, after he stripped me with London, I went into labor).
 Since Blake is in nursing school, we both felt like stripping me at 39 weeks would be ideal since it was labor day weekend & he didn't have school on Friday or Monday.
"It will only put you into labor if your body is ready. 
If your body is not ready yet, it will do nothing," said Dr. Kirkman.

That was a Wednesday.

I got home that day, & didn't feel much different.  I was a bit crampy, but no contractions.

So again, I thought nothing of going into labor that day.

After dinner, we walked to SV & up to the top of the hill....I pushed London in the stroller, 

hoping it might help get things moving. 

We got home, put London to bed, & Blake was practicing a lab on me that he had to pass off.

Everything seemed as normal as could be.

If you know me well, you know that I have a VERY weak bladder....

so, being pregnant doesn't help this issue in the slightest.

Blake & I were laughing so hard about something ridiculous & of course I started peeing.

I literately had to cup my hands & catch my pee so it wouldn't get on the bed.

About 5 min later & at 10:50ish, I had my first contraction.

With London, my contractions started out small & then got stronger.

This contraction didn't have anything small about it.

It was strong & the next & the next & the next was even stronger.

Like really strong.

At one point, I told Blake that I felt like I needed to push.

I went & sat on the toilet because I honestly didn't know if I needed to go to the bathroom,

 or, if I was having a baby.

We  I couldn't decide if we should go to the hospital or not 

(Blake was already decided that we should)...

we phoned the hospital & they said to come in.

 At 12 AM, we called my sister, woke London up, grabbed our bags, dropped London off at my sisters, & headed to the hospital.

Meanwhile, my contractions started to become unbearable.  It was everywhere. In my back, butt, stomach, feet, & hands.  Blake was being so sweet & kept trying to grab my hand or rub my back & it just made me FURIOUS. Pain just makes me mad I guess.

After what seemed like an eternal car ride to the hospital, & at about 12:15, we made it.

We quickly went up to labor & delivery.  My contractions were so incredibly intense at this point, that the only way for me to deal with the pain was to pretty much run around the hospital.  No joke.

So, I ran around the waiting room, while Blake checked me in.

Soon enough  eternally enough, I was in my room & had changed into my gown.

The nurse kept trying to get me to lay on the bed so she could check me....

 & I just kept running around my room. 

Eventually, I made it onto the bed & in a slight panicked voice, the nurse said, "Well, you are at an 8, & if you still want an epidural, we need to get the anesthesiologist in right now."  I quickly agreed (not thinking or wanting to deal with any more pain) & the call was made.
I reminded them that I was group B strep positive.
The nurse immediately started an antibiotic in an IV.

The anesthesiologist, Shane Larsen, came in & my mind was quickly put at ease.

He quickly got everything ready, had me turn on my side, & at that instant, I had a contraction & started pushing. "Check her again," he said.  The nurse checked me & I was at a 9.

"There is no way I can administer this epidural, that baby is in the birth canal.  We are gonna have to catch this baby & you are going to have to do it natural."

I literately lost it!  I was not mentally prepared for this.  The pain was overwhelming, overtaking my whole body.  I will never be able to describe the pain I was feeling & put it into writing.  It's amazing that that one sentence uttered from the anesthesiologist would push me over the edge.  

"I'm gonna freak out RIGHT now," I yelled.  

"Is there any type of pain relief you can give her? What can you do for her?" 

Blake asked in a panicky voice (he had never seen me like this....obviously).

"I'm afraid not, it's too late, the baby is coming" uttered the anesthesiologist.

The next contraction came & my natural response to the pain was to push.

The anesthesiologist, Blake, & the nurse were all right in my face coaching me through the pain.

"Don't push," they all yelled.  "We have to wait for Dr. Kirkman to get here.  Try to pant through the pain.  Just pant, pant, pant, pant."  Blake grabbed my SWEATY face & put his face 1 inch from mine, "you can do this Bug.  I know you can.  Just pant."  I wanted to throw some punches at each of them.  I just wanted to push.  I couldn't help it.  I would really really try to pant through the contractions, but, I just couldn't.  "Dr. Kirkman is almost here," said one of the nurses.  I just kept praying that he could hurry & that he could safely deliver my baby.  "I can't do this," I kept saying over & over again.  "Thank goodness her water hasn't broken yet, or we are going to have to deliver this baby without Dr. Kirkman," I faintly heard one of the nurses saying.  Immediately after, I had another contraction, & pushed with all my might & my water broke.  "My water just broke," I squeaked.  

F I N A L L Y in runs Dr. Kirkman.  He slapped on some gloves, grabbed my feet, put them in the stirrups, & told me to push.  He immediately told me to stop pushing, & said, "I've got to push her head back in & I'm gonna have to cut you."  I just kept saying, "Holy freakin shiz, I can't do this."  Dr. Kirkman was so sweet & as calm as a whistle.  He just kept saying, "You just keep saying shiz, let it out.  You can do this." As you can imagine, the cutting was incredibly painful.  "Is she almost here," I faintly asked?  "Yep, real close now.  Push," was Dr. Kirkmans's reply.  "Her head, her head is out.  Look at that," Blake excitedly uttered.  "Push."  Out came her shoulders.  "Push." Out came her stomach.  "One more push, you can do it."  On thursday morning @1:11 A.M, out came my sweetest 7 lb 14 oz baby.

All the pain was immediately replaced with pure love.
Love that only a mother knows.
Love at first sight.
I didn't care that Dr. Kirkman was down there stitching me up....(thankfully, he sprayed a bit of numbing spray on me before he stitched me up.)
The only thing I cared about was holding, looking, kissing, & loving my sweet Penny.
The love that was in that room was thickly tangible.
 I could feel Blake's love, my love, Penny's love, & most importantly, my Savior's love.
It was SO strong & I knew that Penny was meant for us.
I knew that I was supposed to be her mother & that it was/is my duty to care, nurture, & guide her through her beautiful life.  
I've got tears rolling down my face just writing about it.
Nothing is more sweet to my heart.
In my heart, I will always treasure this beautiful & perfect scene.
After all, it is tied up with London's birth on being the best day of my life.  Hands down.

"She looks like London," I said as they placed Penny on my chest.
"Yes, she does," replied Blake as he caressed her head.
"I love you Bug." "I love you too."
We spent the next two hours all cuddled in the hospital bed together, admiring our sweet Penny, & talking about everything.  My mind will forever hold this image & I am SO grateful for Blake & all he does for me & our family.  I couldn't imagine life without him.  He is SO good, loving, & funny.

I always love the hospital stay after having a baby.
It was a time for me to relax, nurse, smell, spend one on one time with my sweet Penny, & let someone else take care of me.  I loved watching Blake help give Penny her first bath, i loved watching Blake become a dad again, i loved having people I love come to see me & our new bundle, & I especially loved watching London with Penny for the first time.  It was the sweetest exchange ever.  London came in with the biggest smile & went right up to Penny & started gently rubbing her face saying, "You so tute Penny."  My heart was all over the floor & I will never forget the sweet exchange between those sweet sisters.  Penny also made the coolest sister award cuz she had a present waiting at the hospital for London.  London was so excited & just assumed that Penny had her present in my belly the whole time & that it just came out when she did.  London was pretty curious about the whole nursing situation & suddenly pulled up her shirt & said, "Penny, turn round now.  It's time to eat."  Blake & I died laughing. 

Since I was only able to receive one dose (supposed to get four) of the antibiotic before Penny made her debut, we had to stay an extra day in the hospital so they could keep a close eye on Penny.  They had to come in & take all her stat's more frequently than they do with a regular newborn.  We were all ecstatic when Dr. Brown gave us the green light to leave Friday evening. 

We are all obviously obsessed & we can't get enough of her.
Thanks for coming to us Penny.
You are truly our treasure & we love you more than you will ever comprehend.

I wanted to quickly say a few kind words about the anesthesiologist, Shane Larsen.
After informing us that he couldn't administer the epidural, he could have totally left.
He stayed with us until after Penny was born.
He was right there with Blake coaching/encouraging me on.
He grabbed Blake's phone & took a ton of photos/videoed the entire birth.
Having those pictures/videos is truly a treasure & we will forever be grateful for them.
Not only did he stay until everything was over, he came back about an hour later & apologized for not being able to give me any pain relief & to check in on me.  Seriously, so sweet.  It was such a comfort knowing that there are truly good people in this world.  We can't say enough good about him.

Dr. Kirkman was awesome as usual.  I really do love that guy.  He was so sweet through the entire thing & acted so fast.  He has the best bedside manner & I have never felt like I was just another patient...he has always made me feel like Bug.  He actually could possibly be a little creeped out if he knew how obsessed I am with him...no, but in all seriousness, I respect & care for that guy beyond words.  He did deliver two of my greatest blessing & for that, I will always have a special bond with him.

The above pictures were taken by me later that morning on the day Penny was born.  Steve was kind enough to snap some of us as a new family.
The below pictures were taken by our iphones.  The anesthesiologist, took all of the ones during birth & shortly after birth.  I was seriously tempted to delete the first two pictures because I thought I looked so awful in them.  Blake wouldn't have it & told me we needed to keep them because it showed the true emotion/pain of what I was going through during Penny's delivery.  
Sorry if the first few pictures are a bit elicit.  But, I think birth is so beautiful & I wanted these pictures on here to document Penny's birth.  Plus, it does show our true emotion during Penny's birth & I will forever treasure these pictures. 

Our hearts are full.  It's amazing that the arrival of Penny could actually make me love each member of my family more.  I love Blake more.  I love London more.  I love Penny so much.
Life is good & SO precious.
We are beyond blessed.
Greatest day of my life.

What I wouldn't give to read a story of my birth & to see pictures like this of myself & mom/dad.
Pictures & writing things down are so important to me.
They are a way of capturing scenes of my life that I never want to forget.

Also, my sister Melissa sent me this & I just love it.  The pain just turns into love.